Petel is Hebrew for “what else you got?”

August 12, 2005 - 5:46 PM by Israelity

The fact that Israeli children grow up with a different set of cultural markers – amongst which are gastronomical components unimaginable to the average non-Israeli consumer – should come as no surprise.

I present to you Petel, which actually means raspberry. In this case, a sugary syrup that, when mixed with water (about one part syrup, eight parts H2O) becomes a horrible beverage. However, it is important to point out, that the word petel has become the generic name for all syrups of this sort – in the same manner as Q-tip, Kleenex, Vaseline and various other homosexual paraphernalia. I imagine that this is because when god first made this crap, raspberry was the only flavor available. Now that god has taken on an extensive support staff of rabbis and “children lovers” the line has expanded to include grape, apple, lemon, grapefruit and people.

Oddly enough, albeit often enough, something (most often music and the bible) is deemed worthy for nothing more than the fact that people remember it. Such is petel – Israelis continue to drink and torture each successive generation, as children and soldiers, with this vile swill.

Please allow me to describe the experience of making and drinking ‘the stuff of heebs.” As you might notice, the product I will be using is the original raspberry flavor (also available in diet). This bottle is produced by the Assis brand – not a popular brand.

picture A

With all your ingredients properly laid out, it is best to start with the syrup, add balance water, then stir.

picture B1Picture B2picture B3

Now that the preparations are complete it is time to enjoy – a catch-22, since enjoying petel is as elusive as a secular Anglo in Jerusalem. Drink!

picture C

When it first crosses your lips there is an immediate sense of euphoria. And, one thought circles in your head, “I’m gonna drink the whole thing. Oh boy!” Unfortunately, as soon as it takes the taste to kick in, combined with the nauseating effect of a singular thought circling in your head, sickness sets in. For this reason, the drinker often chugs the potent petel potion as it is a race to finish before the queasiness has time to really settle in. Upon finishing that last drop, the drinker immediately questions his actions, swears off the stuff for good, recalls that money’s too tight for real juice, then quickly mixes up another cup.

picture D

A toast, to idiocy!

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I don’t cross-post, so there’s some completely different shit to read at Ari Lives in Israel.

Tags: • Category: Food 

Comments

2 Comments on Petel is Hebrew for “what else you got?”

  1. Melrose on Thu, Jun 14th 2007 6:20 AM

    2. AWESOME!!!!!

  2. petel lover on Sun, Apr 12th 2009 6:22 AM

    3. god created the universe…..and so came petel the greatest drink known to mans….drink it and behold the greatness that comes directly from the glourious teat of gawds

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