A New Order

August 31, 2006 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: General, Life 

. . . in the Blum house:

Did you ever hear any of the following in your house?

“It’s not my job, it’s his.”

“I cleaned the table last night.”

“I don’t have time to make my bed. I have to study for a test.”

Well, we certainly have, too many times, and after fourteen years of parenting it was getting a bit old. The same fights and arguments day after night after day.

It’s not that our kids were shirking their responsibilities per se. It’s just that we didn’t have an effective system to track, enforce and reward the desired behaviors. For any task, a parent would generally ask one of the kids on the spot.

In addition to opening the door to dissension, this approach created a general atmosphere of stress. Who’s going to get “picked” tonight, the kids would wonder (and so would their parents)? During dinner I could almost hear those brain cells calculating the latest cunning or creative excuse why someone else should wipe down the counters.

. . . . It was time to chart a new course in our household. And that’s what we did…literally, starting with “The Chart.”

Creating a “job chart” may be old hat for many parents. But for us, it was out-of-the-box thinking.

Jody and I started by writing down all of the things that need to get done in the house to keep it running smoothly. This activity can be quite shocking when you realize how much stuff we do every single day and every week. We counted 29 individual activities, not including repeating tasks like setting and clearing the table.

Next we plotted the tasks into three charts arranged by days of the week:

Daily Personal – these are the tasks that each child needs to do on his own – things like Make Bed, Pick up Clothes, Brush Teeth. Next to each task was a checkbox. Because everyone loves checking off an item from their To Do List, right?

Daily Rotation – these are tasks that the house needs and that can be “signed up” for by children and parents alike for different days in the week – Unload Dishwasher and Take Out Trash, for instance.

Weekly Rotation – finally, there were some tasks that only need to happen once a week, like Bake for Shabbat and Take Newspapers to Recycling Bin

The next step was to write out exactly what each job entails. It’s not fair to assume that the kids already know exactly how to do everything they’re being asked without some sort of training.

This was actually a tip I picked up from Michael Gerber’s popular “E-Myth” series of books and seminars. He says that one of the reasons many new businesses fail is that the entrepreneur who started the company – whether it’s a hi-tech software developer or a small family-run bakery – doesn’t create a “manual” for every job that the organization requires. Without this kind of formal documentation, if a key person leaves, everyone else sputters and lurches into crisis. No one, Gerber maintains, can be allowed to be irreplaceable.

All the more so for a family, I figured.

. . . . When we had finished all our preparatory work, we printed out the job descriptions and charts and called a family meeting.

The kids are always a little suspicious about surprise family meetings (it’s like a pop quiz – nothing good can ever come out of it), so I set out immediately to reassure them. “We want to share with you a new system that will reduce stress in our house,” I began.

After a brief introduction, we whipped out the papers. Our youngest, Aviv, immediately took to the charts. He was ready to start checking things off before he’d even read them, bless his good natured little eight-year-old heart.

Twelve-year-old Merav proceeded to peruse each job description as if she were studying for a test. She also appeared to welcome the new structure.

Only fourteen-year-old Amir was savvy (or is that cynical) enough to realize what was coming next.

“And what happens if we don’t do our jobs?” he asked.

Jody and I had discussed this already. “There will be rewards and consequences.”

“I knew it!” Amir said and buried his head in his hands.

“If you don’t get your jobs done,” Jody continued, “you won’t be able to use your computer or GameBoy or watch TV the rest of that day. Nothing with a screen in it.”

“That’s not fair!” Amir blurted out, brimming with hormones and indignation.

“What’s so important that you have to be on your computer every day?” I asked. But it was Merav who responded.

“I have to check my email,” she said.

“But you’ve only had an email account for, what, less than two months,” I countered.

Aviv was still studying the chart. “How can we put away backpacks in the morning?” he asked, referring to a task on his Daily Personal chart. I explained that this was a task for when he gets home. He nodded approvingly and proceeded to check off the task.

There was some more back and forth, and not an insignificant amount of discussion about what the reward should be (a night out at the movies, dinner with pizza and ice cream?) Everyone signed up for daily and weekly jobs (whether begrudgingly or with gusto). The night ended without any fisticuffs, though not entirely on the optimistic note in which it had begun.

It’s too early to tell how this is going to work out over the long term. Research shows it takes about a month of consistently doing something to bring about a real change in behavior. But the initial results look promising.

The next morning, all three kids’ beds had been made and the breakfast bowls had been rinsed and put in the dishwasher. There was no argument that night over whose job it was to wipe down the counters. The day after the same. By day three we had to give a punishment to one child for leaving clothes lining around on the floor, but I did it with as much compassion as I could muster and received no lip in return.

Clearly we are heading into highly uncharted territory!

Blum Family
The Blum Family

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Don’t hold back, Liza

August 31, 2006 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: A New Reality 

Tell us how you really feel.

“Technical writer, blogger, freelancer and mommy,” Liza, vents about the war, Israel’s leaders, anti-Semitism, the European left wing, and the Israeli right wing. There is too much there to exerpt. See it for yourself.

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At a loss for a title for this one

August 31, 2006 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: A New Reality 

A call for peace, from SnoopyTheGoon to the people of Lebanon (except Hezballah, of course):

Let’s do without Syria, Iran, US, UN and U name it. Let’s just do this.

What do you think?

posted to YouTube by x112mail.

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Um, the Japanese need to lighten up?

August 31, 2006 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Israeliness 

Well, that’s MY conclusion from this post by Sharvul. But perhaps I’m biased. :-)

Flying from Tel Aviv through Frankfurt to Tokyo this week, I was on two Lufthansa flights on the same day. So same environment: same airline, same crew (not the actual people of course) and same service.

The main difference between the two flights was that most of the passengers on the Tel Aviv-Frankfurt flights were Israelis while most of the passengers on the Frankfurt-Tokyo flight were Japanese. The other difference was the duration of the flight: 3.5 hours for the first flight vs. 10.5 hours for the second.

For the sake of brevity, let’s call them the “Israeli flight” and the “Japanese flight” accordingly. Here below are some observations about my experiences on these two flights. Keep the above differences in mind and draw your own conclusions:

* On the Israeli flight, 10 minutes after the “boarding completed” announcement (i.e. all passengers on board) was made, people were still fumbling with their bags and standing in the aisles. On the Japanese flight, everybody was seated.
* Throughout the Israeli flight, except for take-off and landing (first and last 20 minutes of the flight), most of the aisles and the area near the galleys were blocked by people standing and talking to each other. On the Japanese flight, the aisles were free throughout the flight except for the occasional person hurrying to/from the bathroom.
* The one time I needed the bathroom on the Israeli flight I had to wait in line for 5 minutes. The three times I needed the bathroom on the Japanese flight I never waited.
* The bathroom I frequented on the Israeli flight had paper towels on the floor and the toilet was not flushed by the previous user(s). The bathrooms I used on the Japanese flight were spotless (there might have been some water drops near the basin, I’m not sure).
* I sat near the galley (exit row on both flights). Throughout the Israeli flight I kept hearing the “ping” sounds that warn the flight attendants that someone pushed the call button. I never heard one “ping” on the Japanese flight.
* As the plane was approaching the gate, and upon hearing the pursar utter the words “flight attendants, all doors in park”, almost all passengers on the Israeli flight jumped from their seats and dove for the overhead compartments to fetch their bags. Needless to say, the “fasten seat belts” sign was still on. On the Japanese flight nobody moved before the “fasten seat belts” sign was off.

As I said, draw your own conclusions…

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“Remember to buy her pens and scissors, and let me know if you know anyone who was killed”

August 31, 2006 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: A New Reality 

From Stefanella:


One thing I need to ask you: Has anyone in your family or among your friends been hurt, killed, directly affected or sent to serve in Lebanon during the recent outbreak? I have to ask because sometimes one child will start talking about something and the floodgates open for the others

–Israeli teacher running through checklist of questions during Parent-Teacher conference prior to 1st day of kindergarden

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