In Europe, worrying about home and self

August 10, 2006 - 6:41 PM by Sarah

A group of Israeli women in academia and media have created a fascinating new blog called “Between a Rock and a Hard Place.” The mission of the blog:

We Believe that all life is sacred, we promote peace and want everyone to prosper. However, values are subjected to life conditions and context, and we believe that even a pacifist will kill a cannibal that jumps him. In this temporary blog, born spontaneously due to our frustration of mainstream media coverage, we shall try to bring our personal narratives to suggest complex perspectives beyond black and white ideals.

In the latest post, Phd candidate Biri Rottenberg-Rosler, of Haifa University, explains why the war is “knocking on her door,” even though she’s currently on an extended trip around Europe:

The war is knocking on my door. I don’t want to open, I don’t want to answer that call. I am not at home.

When I left Israel five weeks ago to travel in Europe, the soldier Gilaad Shavit was kidnapped. I felt very sad. I knew that my country is a crazy place. But I could not imagine how far it is going to get. I became a refugee. I travel along Israel, moving from one city to another, with my husband, our dog, his violin and 9 bags.

Traveling in Rome, Florence and Barcelona, I went to every church and museum I could. I looked at these holy pieces of arts. And I felt waves of envy all over my body. I never felt envy towards a painting before. But to see it hanging there, knowing exactly where he is going to be in the next generations, made me feel like a temporary exhibition.

By the time we arrived to the Pyrenees, the beautiful landscape started to mix with the ugly news. I got a SMS from a friend who’s working with me. She wrote that In the middle of the staff meeting they saw the missiles crossing the skies. In another part of mother earth’s skirt I was crossing the skies on a special train. The beautiful and powerful mountains around were looking at me with surprise. I wanted to run away, I felt like a prisoner of mother earth between heaven and hell.

I’ve never thought that I love my life here so much, that I will miss it. All these precious moments, all of this routine -it is me. It is my self. I miss drinking coffee on the balcony, I miss the Carmel Mountain and I am sure that he is missing me. I miss looking at my big glass windows and feeling secure.

The war is still knocking on my door, on my body, on my ears. It is everywhere. I am covered with a huge shawl of pictures of suffering, ruins, lonely people and lost dogs. I feel that we are all looking for our owners. I want this war to come to its end! I want my life and my self back.

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