Wars Need to be Grieved, Too

September 4, 2006 - 10:57 PM by Allison

Columnist Yair Lapid outlines the five stages of grieving over the experience of the recent war in Lebanon.

One of the popular psychological theories is the ‘Five Stages of Grief”. The theory says that we cope with the trauma of loss in five stages: denial: anger, negotiations, depression, and acceptance. You can’t shorten the process. Like computer games, if you don’t complete one stage you cannot move on to the next.

The last war was traumatic. The problem is that it is unclear where we are at this juncture. We can only offer alternatives letting each person try and figure out how close he is to acceptance.

Is Israel close to acceptance? Lapid doesn’t think so.

“Acceptance means adjusting to life that beyond the loss, it is now possible to find other interests and new activities.”

We are not there yet. Many studies have been devoted to the subject which indicate the process can take between three and 12 months. My own experience says the process never finishes. You can only acknowledge that your life has changed and so have you. I would gladly pass on this having happened but in many ways it made me a better person.

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