Cake and Cough-ee

September 13, 2006 - 11:17 AM by Allison

Jerusalem Gypsy would rather have her cake and eat it, too — even if it makes her cough.

It started two weeks ago with a sore throat. It turned into an itchy cough a couple days later, and I saw my Russian doctor.

“I don’t like the way you breathe.”

“Why? Is it too heavy for you?” I joked. She didn’t get it.

She armed me with an antibiotic and off I went.

And still, nothing’s changed. I’m still hacking away.

Maybe it’s stress. My nearly-17 year old ex-Criminal ran away from her hostel two weeks ago and the police are looking for her. She had only 2 months left to her “sentence” of being in that hostel and she fucked up by running away. Now, they’ll probably extend her time there until she’s 18. She shows up now and then, phones me now and then, even shows up at her old school now and then and is trying to get a job.

Just thinking about her makes me cough.

And then there’s the fact that we have to move the end of October and do not have a place to move to. We’re debating whether to rent or buy. It’s one of life’s tough decisions that I don’t want to deal with at the moment but I have to nevertheless. And every evening after work, I am out with real estate agents who are showing me shitty old homes because our budget is quite low. Will we ever get a dream home? Or any home? And rentals? There are only two 4 bedroom rentals in our town. They’re expensive, and we’d have to move every year or two again. I’m tired of being on the run. I really would like to settle down in one place. We’re even playing the lottery to see if we could even win the 2nd prize which would make for a decent down-payment for a home.

And thinking about it makes me cough…

I went out for dinner last week with my married daughter who was doing her Russian imitation.

“Nastarovia!!! Charasho, piesdietz, pederas, bleh!!” she shouted out while we’re sitting outside at this Italian restaurant.

I’m hysterically laughing and begin a terrible coughing fit. I’m hoping not to freak out the restaurant’s other patrons sitting near us. I’m sure I did, but they were polite about it and didn’t move inside. Anyway, I’m on antibiotics and not contagious.

I meet a macrobiotics counsellor who is giving free advice at a health food store. He tells me to drink Lotus Root Tea. I buy it. It’s disgusting but I drink it anyway. I continue to hack away with this damn cough.

I meet him again. More free advice.

“You’re expelling yin. Stay away from coffee, sugars, even fruits” he said looking at my fresh organic figs I just bought. I was sad. My favorite foods and I can’t eat them.

Last night, after having finished my antibiotics, the doctor started me on decongestants. I should be sleepy. I am extremely tired by 9:00 pm and go to bed at a decent hour. But I wake up at 3:30 am – in time to see my night-owl kids return home from wherever it is they go to at that hour. I rescue Hubby’s cellphone and cigarettes from the diningroom in case my kids “need” to use them and put them in our room. An hour later Hubby is turning on the light in the hallway. I was just dozing off and the light was harsh.

“Why did you turn on the lights just now?” I asked Hubs.

“I’m looking for my cigarettes.”

I hate nicotine addicts.

“They’re on our table here” I said slurring my speech.

“Oh! Thanks!” His tone was appreciative because he knew I had rescued his precious smokes from my two thieving, smoking teens.

This morning I got to work at 7:30 am. I go down to the fridge and see this big, decadent chocolate mousse cake that’s left over from a party my office had 2 nights ago. I remember what the counsellor said about having all that Yin in my system.

But I don’t care. I take a plateful of cake, hoping the rest of the office staff will finish it before noon, or I’ll have another piece.

I tell my co-worker. “I really shouldn’t be eating this. It’s too Yin”

She looks at me strangely but guesses I shouldn’t be eating sweets.

I continued – “But I don’t care. I’d rather cough and have this cake. It’s just too good to pass up.”

I closed the door to my office and coughed away.