Homesick

October 12, 2006 - 6:52 PM by Sarah

Katherine explains how it is that her one-year trip to Israel turned, almost by accident, into immigration . . . and that though she has decided that she likes it here, she misses her family in Cape Town terribly:

The problem now is this. While we have acquired some really good friends here, and we have all of Bob’s family here (which means a lot of family), we have left behind in South Africa both very good friends, and all of my family. This was evident at the two wedding parties, where in Cape Town maybe 10% of the guests were there for Bob, and in Israel even less than 10% were here for me. At first I was here in this country because Bob convinced me it was a great place, and we would enjoy a good quality of life here. In the beginning I was not so convinced, and neither was he, truth be told. It seems visiting is a different thing to living here. Slowly though I have become convinced here about the quality of life, and the relative advantages of living here compared to Cape Town. If Bob were to suddenly settle for a newer fresher less talkative model, I would still stay here to do my Phd. So it appears in my head I am convinced living here, while difficult at plenty of times, is also something sweet.

My heart on the other hand is somehow not so convinced. My heart is confused and would like to buy a magic flying carpet which could allow me to live here, and to see my family on a regular basis. In our first year here, I think I was back in South Africa 3 or 4 times. It has now been 6 months since my last visit back, with the next visit only tentatively scheduled for possibly April or July next year. Studying full time with half a salary does not allow much leeway for international flight tickets at 1200 dollars a pop. While I know that inevitably one moves away from one’s family, I find it a very difficult thing to deal with. It is even more difficult when not only do I miss them, but I worry about them too. While my brother would like nothing better than to tangle with a would be criminal, and my sister seems to lead a charmed criminal free life in Johannesburg, a little old lady was murdered in the little seaside village where my mother lives, not 5 minutes up the road. This is the sort of thing that makes me feel bad that I am so far away, and that there is effectively nothing I can do to make her safer. If I was there I would probably also not be able to do anything about it, but at least I would not feel so far away.

At the same time, I also feel like I am missing out on experiencing what is going on in my siblings and my mother’s life. I don’t know if this is something that would naturally have happened, if we would have gone somewhere else, or if my brother would have gone and lived somewhere overseas. My sister left Cape Town a good few years back, but still moving cities is not the same as moving countries. I really don’t know how people do it, coming here, leaving all their family behind, and with the intention of staying permanently. I don’t think I could have made such a difficult decision, rather that decision, at least for the next few years, somehow just got made.

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