A Blogging Bride-To-Be

October 24, 2006 - 9:13 PM by

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Danya Ruttenberg breaks the news with plenty of snark like a good blogger should. Mazel Tov, Danya!!

It’s the “cranky feminist” edition of joyous announcements!

1. I’m not changing my name.

2. He’s not changing his name.

3. I think I know how I want to deal with the kinyan problem, but no, I’m not saying yet.

4. But in any case, nobody’s getting bought.

5. There will be rings under the chuppah, but there is no engagement ring.

6. I’m thrilled to get hugs and mazel tovs but

7. Can we keep heterosexual privelige factor to a minimum?

8. (It’s the marriage, not the wedding, stupid.)

9. I dunno in which country we’re having it yet.

10. It’ll probably be pretty small and intimate, wherever it winds up being.

11. So please don’t be hurt re: guest list stuff. It’s so not personal. We’re not inviting hardly anybody, except, you know, my grandma.

12. And there’s no registry.

13. Yes, we’re going to be back in the U.S. next year so that I can finish (God willing) rabbinical school.

14. No, I don’t know what happens after that.

15. Even if I might not sound like it in this list, I’m actually really thrilled

16. and am SO going to paint my toenails sparkley silver for the occasion.

Maybe you didn’t even know that I was with somebody? Even though I’m the type that blogs about the silly mundania of my life, I’m still a fairly private person, in my way. Anyway, his name is Nir, we’ve been together for two-ish years now and he’s wonderful, silly, loving, kind, brilliant, funny, and better to me than I probably deserve. I’m deeply smitten and extremely happy, which is all a girl could ask for.

There probably isn’t going to be a lot about him on the blog to come, but now maybe occasionally I’ll use first person plural instead of first person singular if I’m talking about, I dunno, something relevant.

Tags: • Category: Life 

Comments

7 Comments on A Blogging Bride-To-Be

  1. Steve on Tue, Oct 24th 2006 10:19 PM

    2. “1. I’m not changing my name.”

    It is up to them,and whatever the groom will put up with from the new Mrs. But as my own bride of six weeks ago said,”if you’re not willing to make that commitment, you probably shouldn’t do it.”

    It would be interesting to compare divorce rates where name change of the bride did and did not happen.If such statistics exist (which I doubt).Id place a wager onthe results,I’ll bet others would,too.

  2. David on Wed, Oct 25th 2006 2:23 AM

    3. “Danya” merely illustrates her Liberalism. Its a pity she does not consider her future husband worthy enough to take on his name. Pathetic.

  3. Chava on Wed, Oct 25th 2006 10:46 AM

    4. We each kept our own names. It was an easy decision then. It drove both sides of our families nuts. Neither of our value lies in being property of the other. Our four children have coped just fine. Our professional colleagues have learned to deal with polite corrections if they use the wrong last name. I would say that our twenty-eight years of marriage thus far says that it is not about names (which is a cultural issue, not religious) but about love, compromise, and committement.

  4. Keith on Wed, Oct 25th 2006 1:58 PM

    5. Fr: Me

    To: He

    Re: Flee

  5. noorster on Thu, Oct 26th 2006 7:24 AM

    6. David, how lovely of you.

  6. TMA on Thu, Oct 26th 2006 8:13 AM

    7. I’ve never really understood the naming issue, or why people get passionate about it — my wife kept her name professionally, and on legal documents, but we don’t bother correcting anyone who calls her by my last name — for that matter, I’m occasionally called Mr. her-last-name by people who know her better than me (or when charitable organizations call who got our names from some donation she made) — what’s the harm?

    Our English names are all fairly recent, anyway, and were anglicizations of names used in Poland and Belarus, which were themselves probably given to our families by Russian tax collectors. And I don’t feel closer to the relatives on my father’s side who share that name-history than I do to the relatives on my mother’s side, with a totally different name-history.

  7. Tif on Sun, Oct 29th 2006 4:31 PM

    8. To: Steve
    Re: “It is up to them,and whatever the groom will put up with from the new Mrs. But as my own bride of six weeks ago said,”if you’re not willing to make that commitment, you probably shouldn’t do it.””

    Since you apparently were not willing to change your last name, I take it you don’t see yourself as committed to your wife, right?

    I am extremely happily married with a man whose name *I chose* to take after our wedding, and I thank god I’m not stuck with a man from the Middle Ages, who would say a sentence like “whatever the groom will put up with from the new Mrs.” It would be interesting to compare domestic violence rates where men think they have the authority to tell their “Mrs” what they will or will not put up with. In our family, decisions get made together, and we each put up with anything that is important to the other, because we love and respect one another. A sure recipe for divorce, no doubt…

    I don’t expect too much from David after reading some of his other comments, but Steve, I would think six weeks after your own wedding, you would maybe have some good words to say to a bride-to-be (maybe think about the important mitzva of “lesame’ach chatan ve’kala”, bringing joy to the groom and bride), instead of predicting her impending divorce because she doesn’t share every one of your values.

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