A song, of inner reflections

November 12, 2006 - 5:14 PM by Sarah

Eve is an American studying at rabbinical school in Israel. She’s had a few days of very personal and deep introspection. Her recent blog post reflects her inner pain, and longing, and happiness:

This past week I did some reflecting on Music. The beats, the sounds, the movements, they are universal. Music can move people, can make someone smile, or it can make someone cry. It can make my heart skip a beat, from excitement or frustration. Sometimes, there is just that one perfect song that completley fits your mood, expresses what you cannot put into words. Sometimes music is a comfort, it makes me feel at home, and sometimes it makes me miss home. But, nevertheless, music is universal. This week Israeli and American students sang together, danced together celebrating the memory of Reb Shlomo Carlebach. We danced, sang, reflected, all to the same notes of the guitar, the same intention. I just liked how we were all able to connect, rejoice, remember and be together.

I have also been thinking a lot about Israel lately. What a complicated State I am living in. Each day brings with it a new adventure, new challenges, to being myself, to my identity as a Jew, to who I am, to what I am doing. And I still love it.

I’m all over the place tonight, that’s what happens when I have time to think, time to share my thoughts, time to try and figure out who I am, what I’m doing and where I am going. Today was a great day, I got some work done, had a yummy steak dinner with a new friend, met with my teacher… yet I feel unfulfilled, I feel alone, I feel disappointed and I don’t know why. I guess after weeks of constant hustle and bustle, this is o.k… but it is an icky feeling. I’m trying to embrace it, trying to let it go, enjoy the moment, but something is holding me back, holding me in this place, this refletion, this growing pain. I hope that it passes quickly, that the growth continues with smiles, and hugs…

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