Benji Mops the Floor

December 24, 2006 - 2:19 PM by Allison

Sounds simple enough?

Nope, mastering the art of Israeli mopping, aka “sponja” is an epic adventure for our hapless newcomer, who fancies himself a superhero facing the superior cleaning powers of his roomate.

With “Roommate” in the other room, I must be careful. The slightest misstep will result in her yelling, or as she puts it, talking. Israel has a water shortage and I will do everything in my power to conserve. Do you remember the movie “Misery” with Kathy Bates and James Caan? I’m playing the role of James Caan’s character at the end of the film, carefully plotting my “escape” while being careful not to attract the attention and fury from the scary woman.

She tells me to fill a bucket of water which, from my understanding, will raise the water level in our small apartment by approximately 75 feet. I fill it, plotting my every move as I go. With the roommate only a few feet away in the next room, I act. Small splash here, small splash there, until the floor is covered in just enough water that I can sufficiently clean it, but not so much that it will resemble the giant tidal wave in “The Day After Tomorrow.”

With several strategic and very quick strokes, I clean the floor before the roommate knows what’s happened, dumping half the bucket into the sink as quietly as possible. Kind of like when I was sick as a little kid and poured half the serving of Triaminic Cold Medicine in the sink (except that my mom caught me).

Nice karma I have. “More wah-ter!!!” Did someone tell Picasso “more paint”? Playing along, I toss a little more water on the floor. I’m almost done. I just have to squeegie the water into the 1 millimeter by 1 millimeter hole in the wall, designed to frustrate and boggle the minds of would-be Israelis cleaners. SERIOUSLY, does that little hole automatically cause the floor to tilt the other way, or does it just seem that way? After a few minutes, including when I accidentally launch the black water all over the bottom of the wall, I am done (I love when that happens). The roommate comes in for inspection. I try not to laugh as she looks around. Whew! I passed!

Justice has prevailed. The floor is clean, water is conserved, and I amused myself for about 20 minutes. Did the superhero analogy really make it past the first paragraph of this entry? Not really. Did I buy another 2 weeks of sanity? You betcha.

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