Snooping Snafu

March 26, 2007 by Stephanie · Leave a Comment
Filed under: A New Reality, Life

A northern Israel husband suspected his wife of cheating.

So he bought her a decked out new Jeep. With 14 hidden cameras and three recording devices hidden within. The couple (name witheld) is prominent.

Of course, when she proceeded to business as usual with her three boyfriends (!), she didn’t know all of that fancy equipment was waiting to entrap her in the new get-away vehicle.

Divorce court reps told the woman she should, er, reach a settlement with her husband. She was the one who brought most of the $$ into the relationship.

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Passion Rekindled

March 26, 2007 by Stephanie · Leave a Comment
Filed under: A New Reality, Blogging, Immigrant Moments

Noorster has done the on and off Israel thing many others of us (ahem) have also done for years. Move to Israel. Leave. Come back. Leave. Come back…Where do I want to be? What’s best for me? Where will I ultimately be happy? Ach! Ptueey!

Unless a person’s pockets are lined with gold (or a healthy trust fund or inheritance), this pattern does not make for long term foundation building i.e. equity and assets.

Noorster has had an epiphany and is now basking in the glow of re-kindled “love-like” for living in Tel Aviv ignited by her new job in high tech.

Last week I went through the better part of my posts on this here blog, and although I don’t think I’ve complained too much in writing, I remembered exactly what I’d felt when blogging about my travails in Israel – the pieces I’d omitted, the bits I’d toned down, the things I’d turned into a joke.

I’ve gone through some scary shit since I arrived here, and most of it was in one way or another related to my often hopeless financial situation. I’ve always suspected that chronic lack of money can make you miserable, but I’d never really experienced it first-hand before I moved back here and tried to make it on my own.

Read here. We’re glad you’re going to sit for a spell.

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The Art of Giving

March 26, 2007 by Stephanie · 1 Comment
Filed under: Holidays, Israeliness

One ultra pleasant facet of living in Israel during the Passover holiday is the gift giving tradition. The custom of employers giving workers a little ‘sumpin sumpin around this time of year can be rather..er…satisfying.

Especially since gift items range from bottles of wine to baskets filled with goodies to redeemable coupons to an extra month’s salary. (Note to Wise & Generous Bosses: If you’re reading this, I highly favor the last item on the list. Barring that suggestion, wine – a case or two of Battaglini Zin 2000 Reserve Select - is also just fine…sf)

Press reports estimate employers will spend over 1.75 billion shekels – about $400 million – on gifts for employees this year with the average output for a “worker bee” hovering at 6-900 sheks (Roughly $200) and for management at 4-5000 ($1100).

Some of the more impressive gift items? Home espresso machines ($475) and LCD display t.v. sets.

Holy Guacamole, Batman.

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Nostalgia Sunday

March 25, 2007 by Stephanie · 1 Comment
Filed under: History and Culture, Israeliness, Life

With the recent controversy over this year’s Israel entry to the Eurovision Song Contest, I wanted to revisit Eurovision history with this 1983 classic.
Catch the irony of a 20-odd-year time gap: She’s singing about survival and Teapacks talk about pushing the button. Ofra, if you’re watching, this is for you girl.

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Scandal & Humor

March 25, 2007 by Stephanie · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Crime, Israeliness, Politics

Where goes scandal, humor swiftly follows…Author Unknown
(of course unknown because I just made it up)

But seriously, now that Finance Minister Hirshson may be in a whole mess of trouble for skimming funds and receiving bribes and this and that, the jokes are surfacing. Shai and Dror of the Hebrew Maariv assembled a rather amusing spoof surrouding an incident in the late 90′s when Hirshson was stopped in Poland while toting a hefty sum of cash.

Hirshson, Did you Pack Your Suitcase by Yourself?

Please open your suitcase
Which suitcase?
The one in your hand.
I can’t open it right now.
Why?
Because…I don’t have the key?
If you don’t open it we’ll break it open
Ummm…Why did you turn us over to the Germans during the Holocaust?
What’s the connection, sir?
I’m trying to change the subject.
It’s not working. Open the suitcase.
Before I do, allow me to express my intense affinity for Poland.
Open it, please.
Okay okay. I’m opening it. You really should put on a sweater. You’ll catch a cold!
Sir, open the suitcase.
Okay. Fine. It’s open.
What is this sir?
A few dollars…for buying souvenirs.
There are hundreds of thousands of dollars here!
Yes…I guess I didn’t spend all of it after all.
You have to declare this. Why didn’t you go through the green “Items to Declare” line?
What line are you suggesting? Just so you know, I’m very upset over your behavior during the Holocaust.
Sir, I’m going to have to arrest you.
Just like the Holocaust, huh? You see a Jew and you arrest him straight away. 60 years and nothing’s changed. You want some of the money?
No. I have to confiscate the money and arrest you.
You know this isn’t my suitcase.
What does that mean?
It’s not mine. I grabbed it off the luggage carousel by accident. Just take it and I’ll grab my five other bags and be on my way.
But sir…
Listen, I don’t have keys and you helped the Germans. Go put on a sweater and leave me alone. I’m a diplomat.