Sleepovers

March 15, 2009 - 10:59 PM by

twin-bedHere’s a cultural phenomenon that isn’t specifically Israeli, but seems to happen a lot here, perhaps because young adults tend to live at home with their parents, even after finishing the army. That is, young adult children who want to spend time with their parents at home, but frequently do so with their boyfriend or girlfriend in tow, creating a situation in which every bedroom in the house has a couple residing within, crowding into that childhood twin bed.

I’ve been coming across this phenomenon a lot, probably because my nieces and nephews and their friends, and my friends’ kids, are all reaching the age where they may have a very significant other, even as young as 18, when they begin the army. They come home for weekends to mom, dad, Shabbat dinner and clean laundry, and they want to bring their boy/girlfriend along. What’s a parent to do?

Most parents I know want to discuss it with their kids, but often end up saying it’s fine for the couple to share that onetime childhood bedroom. Their feeling is that they’d rather have their kids come home, and are pleased that their children still want to spend time with them, even if it means a larger gathering around the Friday night dinner table or Shabbat morning in the kitchen.

And lest one think this is not as common a phenomenon in the religious Israeli community, don’t be so sure of that, either. One religiously observant mother told me that she often has her three daughters’ boyfriends sleeping over, although not all of the couples ‘sleep’ together. Her feeling is that she’d rather have her kids safe at home than fooling around in some park at two in the morning. So she ends up stocking her fridge with much more food than normal, but at least she knows where her girls are. And one father told me that while he finds it strange to sense what his son is doing on the other side of the kitchen wall, he truly likes his son’s girlfriend and would rather have this time to get to know her, than not.

Then again, another mother I know well refused to let her daughter and boyfriend sleep together at home, commenting that her typical Israeli apartment is just too small and intimate…especially with an impressionable 15-year-old boy in the house. So the young couple spent some weekends at his parents — where they could sleep together — and others at her parents, where they couldn’t. He said he didn’t mind, particularly since the food was better at her parents.

Tags: , , , • Category: General, Israeliness, Life 

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