Divorce and death on Facebook

May 18, 2010 - 1:54 PM by Brian Blum

Edie Ilan

My 16-year-old daughter says there is a rule among teenagers on Facebook: never change your relationship status, especially from “in a relationship” to “single.” The first thing that will happen if you do is an endless torrent of questions: “What happened?” “Are you OK?” “The guy was a jerk anyway.”

Apparently my friend – I’ll call her M, although her identity is well known on Facebook – hadn’t heard this advice as one day I received an update that M’s status had now changed to “divorced.” I immediately messaged her (I was discrete enough not to post my query to her Wall for all to see) and she gave me the inside scoop.

Announcing a divorce on the web is akin to that ultimate act of cellular gauche – breaking up with someone by text message. All the more so if the announcement is broadcast simultaneously to hundreds of friends

A few weeks after M’s divorce debacle, I was visiting a friend’s Facebook profile and came across a “memorial page” set up for Edie Ilan. Edie, I learned, had waged a brave but ultimately unsuccessful two-year battle against cancer

I first met Edie at an introductory session to the Coaches Training Institute in Tel Aviv and had considered hiring her as a personal life and business coach. We never consummated the relationship, however, and fell out of touch.

In Edie’s case, the Internet medium seems entirely appropriate. I would never have known about her death if I hadn’t been surfing. I left a post with my memories of Edie on her page.

As I grow older, I wonder how many other friends and acquaintances will have their passings publicized and nobly memorialized on Facebook? And how many relationship updates I’ll have to endure along the way.

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