Bebe in Israel

February 6, 2012 - 9:25 PM by

Baby in Bamba

It’s the new Tiger Mom. Now it’s not just Chinese mothers who are superior, raising extra-capable, skilled intelligent children, but French mothers too. Oui, oui. A Saturday piece in the Wall Street Journal by Pamela Druckerman ahead of her soon-to-be-published book, “Bringing Up Bebe”, shares some of the secrets of French parenting, including saying no with authority.

Her sidebar of French lessons includes:

Children should say hello, goodbye, thank you and please. It helps them to learn that they aren’t the only ones with feelings and needs.
When they misbehave, give them the “big eyes”—a stern look of admonishment.
Allow only one snack a day. In France, it’s at 4 or 4:30.
Remind them (and yourself) who’s the boss. French parents say, “It’s me who decides.”
Don’t be afraid to say “no.” Kids have to learn how to cope with some frustration.

I chuckled as I read this, because as an American mother in a foreignish land — Druckerman is an American living in Paris — I think about this all the time, wondering if my kids will turn out differently than their American counterparts, or if they’re already different, which they probably are. And if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing.

So if I were to look at that list and the general tendencies of Israeli kids, I’d say the following:
1) They know to say hello, not so great at goodbye, thank you when prompted and please, well, it depends.
2) Big eyes on misbehaving? Interesting idea, but I am Jewish, and, now, Israeli. Yelling comes naturally.
3) One snack a day? Lol. This is Israel, where snacks are built-in to the educational system. Moreover, parents think nothing of putting raspberry-flavored water in their bottles, chocolate spread sandwiches for lunch and Bamba for snacks.
4) Who’s the boss? Oh, they know. I think.
5) Saying no. That, I agree with. Just gotta be brave.

So, I would venture to say that the French rules of thumb make sense, but you know, so much depends on where you live and what’s going on around you. This is a land that worships children, where every kind of restaurant has highchairs and people schlep their kids everywhere. Do Israelis spoil their children because they know they’ll be going into the army in 18 years? I’m not quite sure, but I’d be happy to hear from anyone out here.

Comment away.

Tags: , , • Category: education, General, Immigrant Moments, Israeliness, Life 

Comments

2 Comments on Bebe in Israel

  1. Rachel Selby on Mon, Feb 6th 2012 10:58 PM

    2. LOL – as someone who takes a snack hamper to storyhour at the library, one snack a day would be a shock to our system. Seriously though, they don’t eat much at meals so a few healthy snacks during the day is a good way to ensure they’re getting enough inside them. I’m all for ‘rien entre les repas’ but not for a 3yo.

  2. Lila on Tue, Feb 7th 2012 5:26 PM

    3. Israeli children – it’s difficult to generalize. But studies have shown that Israeli children are securely attached (attachment theory) in comparison to other countries. Israelis are usually very tolerant and don’t give “big eyes” to mothers of wailing children. And Israeli parents seem quite indulgent to me but not from laziness but from love and pride. And that makes it okay in my eyes.

    Israeli children are usually “free range” children. I like that, too.

    My experience may have been coloured by raising our children on a kibbutz. Children are the centre of the community, are encouraged, taken seriously and are given lots of responsibility. They work from a young age. They are encouraged to volunteer.

    I find Israeli youth usually nice and self confident and mature for their age. It doesn’t hurt them that they were made to feel as young children that they were the apple of their parents’ eye. they are, after all.

    And the army puts an end to their youth very quickly. They grow up within months if they have a responsible position in the army.

    Yes, Israelis are a little rough around the edges. I don’t mind it. I got used to it and prefer it nowadays to empty smiles.

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