Kids, hot soup & ‘Occupied Territories’

April 18, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Food, General, Holidays 

I’ve been tele-fundraising from Israel to the UK in recent days for a small, but very intensive Jerusalem-based charity (http://www.ezranet.com) that distributes food baskets, clothing and related aid to the really poverty-stricken throughout the country; 2,500 baskets weekly, 10,000 by Pessach in a special campaign.

Several of those I spoke with in Great Britain – Jews, mind you – in London and Manchester were, and although a minority, quite adamant in their refusal to donate food to near-starving Israeli children… until Israel “changed its policies in the Occupied Territories.”

Now, while on-line with them, I bit my tongue and stayed professional and on-message, clarifying that the donations were totally non-political (as is the organization), non-sectarian and were meant, as in the Passover passage, “Kol Dichfin, y’tee v’uchal – “May all who are hungry come and eat.” Lot of good professionalism did for these kids.

One woman I spoke with (and I now wonder if she ever carried a child in her arms OR her womb) – insisted, despite my repeated attempts to sway her to understand that we were discussing hot soup for a cold and hungry child, and not politics – that “everything was politics.”

Another I spoke with opened the conversation with a hearty chuckle, and, “I’m not sure you understand just how un-sympathetic I am.” (Sigh). Talk about a callous heart.

I guess what struck me the most was the obsessive, near-gleeful, meaness of their attitude; hungry kids be damned – politics first!

And while we cavil about high-level academic snubbing of Israelis at UK universities and the like, in-duh-viduals like these are really ok, “quite fine thank you,” in the local parlance, I suppose with poverty-stricken Jewish children going hungry – as long as their noxious ideological appetite get a good meal out of it.

I suggest we show them and their ilk where we stand: please go over to http://www.ezranet.com, click onto the donations page in the upper right-hand corner of the home page and send a kid a few hot meals for this coming Shabbat and Pessach. They accept dollars and UK pounds, with over 90 percent of it going toward real food and it’s a tax-deductible donation in the US and UK.

May we all, the House of Israel and her supporters worldwide have a healthy and happy Passover festival.

(Cross-posted at http://betbender.blogspot.com)

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It’s official!

April 7, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Food 

God damn it to hell.

Four years ago I moved to Israel. It took some time, but recently it has become apparent that the Zionist state has defeated me. This is not an attempt to belittle the any regional states that do not yet exist. This is not the forum, but I make the allusion to avoid further associations with evil – speaking of which…

I can now discern between the tastes of instant coffees.

A proper immediate reaction should be, “There are more than one type of instant?” Your correct to inquire, as I am to pretend this is your initial response. In Israel, various types of instant coffee exist. Following extensive research on the subject I can confidently opine, there is no reason for this. “But, the different tastes you speak of!” you may, possibly, be thinking. Well, it’s not so much a spectrum of good and bad, just an array of difference.

For the most part, all instant coffee tastes like shit. Jazzed up with enough sweetener (artificial or of the cane variety) and milk (the higher the fat content the better) the Dunkin’ Doughnuts effect is achieved. That is to say, even the crappiest coffee becomes a swallow-able concoction when dressed up to taste more like ice cream than the bitter, brown brew a sophisticated palate craves. Still suffering from pangs of doubt? Just ask the millions of Americans, fatties and college students alike, where they go when a caffeine craving hits. Well, go on.

“Oooh, The ability to tell the difference between flavors of shit!” you are undoubtedly thinking. Let me tell you two things: One, this is nothing to be proud of – advice applicable to this situation alone. Two, do your best to avoid pissing off men twice your size – carry that one with you to recall at the proper moment.

An explanation is in order. Allow me. My Israeli roommate brings back Elite’s Aroma brand instant coffee from his visits at home. Of late, Elite changed the taste of its Aroma instant. Though before and after are equally unsatisfying, I could decipher the difference in the new swill’s flavor. To double-check I made a cup of instant of a another brand and was extremely let down by myself – taste difference noted.

On the other hand, instant is really freakin’ easy to make in the morning.

This entry is NOT cross-posted at Ari Lives in Israel.

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Juiced Up

April 5, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Food, Holidays, Israeliness 

Grape juice is not an ordinary drink among religious Jews. Because of the sacramental significance of wine, all grape products, including vinegar and grape juice, are subject to special religious restrictions in order to be considered kosher. As a further indication of its special status, grape juice is not placed together with the other fruit juices on Israeli supermarket shelves. Instead, it is sold in the wine section.

When it comes to making kiddush on Shabbat or festivals, grape juice (as opposed to wine) is popular among families with young children, though plenty of adults prefer it too. There is quite a large market for the organic variety produced by Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu. There is also a cultural divide. My English-speaking friends drink grape juice gladly on Shabbat, while some older Hebrew-speaking friends of mine with roots in Eastern Europe were a bit surprised and amused when I brought them a bottle for Shabbat lunch. Grape juice? they chuckled. What, do you think we’re little kids?

Oops.

For years, the Carmel Winery has produced and sold two kinds of grape juice: red and white. Now they’ve expanded their line to include grape juice made from Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon grapes, giving a classier dimension to a classic drink.

Hey, who said grape juice has to be boring? I can’t wait to try ’em.

Le-hayyim!

(Cross-posted on Elms in the Yard)

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White water balloons

April 3, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Food, General, Israeliness 

It may see strange – and it is strange – but one of the many options for purchasing fresh milk in Israel is in plastic bags. Sure, you can get the paper or plastic cartons in quarts, half gallons, etc. that you can in the States or anywhere else.
But many people – us included – continue to buy these white water balloons. For one thing, it’s considerably cheaper – especially if you have lots of cereal eaters in your house. And secondly, many years ago we bought a green, plastic container that you shove the bag into, and there’s not much alternative use for it besides serving as a ugly flower pot.
So we’ve continued to stock up on our milk bags, never knowing if one would strike a leak on the way home after being stacked under the laundry detergent. Or waking up in the morning, and finding the fridge bin coated with a layer of white. That is until last week!
That’s when I noticed – anyway – that bags of Tnuva milk in the local grocer was boasting thicker material. I even conducted a test when I got home, but taking one of the bags and dropping it from about knee level onto the floor.
With the thin-skinned bags, odds were an explosion of white. But, now the bag just bounced and bobbled a couple times before landing peacefully on the kitchen floor.
So go ahead, take the challenge, go back to bags of milk – they’re safe now.
As for me, I’m rushing out to buy stock in that kibbutz company that manufactures those ugly green containers.

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For chowhounds only…

March 29, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Food, General 

We all have our secret food places. The joint with the best burger. The best shwarma. The best falafel. Now, while we think that these places are the “best kept secret” more often than not, hundreds, if not thousands of people feel the same way. I’m steadfast that one of my local pizza joints is the best pizza in Israel (only when eating in, not when it’s delivered), but for now, I am going to keep that one to myself. Although most regard Dixie in Tel Aviv the best burger in the country, I know of a place in Jerusalem that is far better, cheaper, less trendy and you can almost always get a table.

Falafel is an easy one. It’s that small joint in the ultra-Orthodox neighborhood of Meah Shearim in Jerusalem whose address I don’t know and even if I did, I couldn’t tell you how to get there. Or maybe it’s that Yemenite place on Nevi’im street also in Jerusalem where you are always greeted with hot a falafel ball while you wait for your pita to be filled with salad, pickles, hummous, techina and zhug (chili pepper sauce.)

Hummous is a no brainer. I agree with all the experts that Ta’ami on Shammai street in Jerusalem is the best but Abu Shukri in the Old city isn’t far behind. I’ve been to several places in Tel Aviv that purport to be the best hummous in Israel but they pale in comparision. Okay, I concede some place on Yirmeyahu street was pretty damn good but the name escapes me.

Shwarma? I still haven’t found “the” place. But I do know one thing. Shwarma proprietors are universal in their hatred towards me. I love Shwarma. No, not that turkey or chicken garbage that passes as Shwarma these days but real lamb. I like it really well done and crispy. I ask for a little hummous, a tiny bit of zhug (a chili condiment) and a couple of chips. I don’t like putting in thirty different types of salads. My minimalist approach to shwarma eating is often frowned upon by shwarma stand proprietors. They usually give me the evil eye. I can read their thoughts.

“How dare you request just meat! This means I must give you more meat to make up for the space in the pita that the salad would fill! I should charge you more for this outrageous act! You shall be punished!”

The punishment is putting the hummous and the zhug at the way bottom of the pita so the last bite is super messy and unreasonably spicey. After the last bite there is obviously no more pita to douse the chili peppers blistering my mouth.

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