Wedding Survival Tips

November 21, 2008 - 11:13 AM by DavidS · 1 Comment
Filed under: General

Matching yarmulkes and matchbooks, engraved invitations, tuxedoes and matching bride/bridesmaids outfits, and lots and lots of flowers. Sounds like a wedding. But not an Israeli one! Like most other things in Israel, weddings are like you remember them from “back there” – but different, in a number of ways.

1. Dress – What marks Israeli weddings more than any other featuring is a lack of formality. Having been to weddings where the couples were from all sorts of different backgrounds – secular, modern/ultra-orthodox, very wealthy or otherwise – I’ve come across exactly one tuxedo, and a few suits (usually on the grooms). The most formal any guest is willing to go is usually a sports jacket (not necessarily matching the slacks, either), but the vast majority wear Dockers-style pants and a shirt – white at religious weddings, or a variety of colors where the guests are of a more secular orientation.

2. Venue – In Israel, you’ve got two choices for a venue: In town, at a catering hall (usually in an industrial zone), or, an increasingly popular choice, at an outdoor country location, usually in a kibbutz or moshav. All venues, though, sport the “open chuppah” – with the actual ceremony held under the stars, regardless of the weather (I was at one where it snowed!). In urban halls, this usually entails going up to the building’s roof, which is gussied up for the occasion, while at a country location, the ceremony is held at the most picturesque spot on the property. The venue will also sport just a few dozen chairs, with most people standing – and unless you are at a very ultra-orthodox wedding, you’ll find that, even if there is nominal separation (like standing on different sides of the aisle the wedding party marches down), lots of couples end up standing or sitting together. Because there’s no American-style Sunday in Israel, a Saturday night event is unheard of, and Sunday ceremonies are rare – the preferred evenings being Monday or Thursday.

3. Food – Of course, we go to weddings to help our friends celebrate, and not for the food (yeah, right). But if you’re expected to give a couple hundred shekels as a gift for the new couple, you might as well make a night out of it. The one universal rule for Israeli weddings is – come early, because that’s often when they put out the best food. Pre-ceremony hors d’ouvres and smorgasbords, served while family and friends gather, nowadays often feature treats like sushi, Mexican tortillas and wraps, stir fry, etc., and that goes for catering halls geared to nearly all crowds. It’s at dinner that the differences show themselves; at religious weddings, you often have to wait awhile for dinner to be served, because the major celebratory dancing of the evening takes place first – and the food itself isn’t always, let’s say, gourmet level. Buffets are always better than sit-downs – and generally, from my observation, the more secular the couple and the families, the better the food (it’s all kosher, of course – otherwise no rabbi would conduct the ceremony). In either case, don’t feel like you’re missing something if you leave before dessert.

4. Entertainment – If the food is better at “less religious” weddings, the entertainment and fun is much better where the young couple come from a religious background. The bride and groom invite all their yeshivah or seminary friends, and there is wild and spirited dancing (separate, of course), with friends honoring the happy couple. Depending on how talented the couple’s friends are, you could also get a great “floor show” – with kids performing magic tricks, swallowing fire, juggling, breakdancing, or doing other “shtick” in honor of the newlyweds. At weddings with a more secular tone, they start off with Jewish-style dancing, too (with men and women usually forming separate circles, as well), which will drift into mixed horas or disco-style dancing after awhile. Regardless, after a couple of vigorous rounds of “simcha” dancing on a warm night, anyone who was wearing a jacket has stowed it on the back of their chair – and you realize why no one is wearing a tuxedo!

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