A Big Plate of Hummus, Mud Massage and Happy Hour Everyday, it’s Good to be a Tourist in Israel

November 6, 2008 - 12:16 PM by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Food, General, History and Culture, Israeliness, Life, Pop Culture, Travel 

While it is technically the beginning of the Jewish New Year, it is also the end of the holiday season. And that means it is the end of tourist season. And while I can’t say that I miss the tourists, it does hurt our economy when they’re not around. But not to worry because the Ministry of Tourism has got our back, and they have figured out a way to bring the next batch of picture-taking, money spending, falafel eating, dead sea swimming, tourists to Israel.

guiness-record-hummus.jpgTheir plan is simple: The World Travel Market Fair. What exactly is this, you ask. Well it’s only the second largest tourism fair in the world being held in London from November 10-14th. Countries are able to set up shop in a booth and try to entice potential travelers to their fantasy vacation. And if they didn’t know it already, their dream destination is Israel.

So how does the Ministry of Tourism make the Israel vacation getaway look like a cup of tea? How about the biggest plate of hummus in the world? That’s right, while we are being sued by Lebanon over who is the baby daddy of hummus (http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1027016.html), the ministry is piling it on a plate in the hopes of brining new hungry tourists to the Holy Land.

Mud MassageFrom hummus to mud, the Israel exhibit will also feature Dead Sea mud treatments and massages for those indecisive (and truly lucky) fair goers. I feel that the potential tourist should be warned; while a trip to the Dead Sea in Israel has no admission fee, there is no such thing as a free mud massage. The closest you’ll get to that is your traveling buddy wiping the real stuff on your tummy while you float on your back and try to capture it in a picture.

If the massages won’t get the tourists here, then how about a free trip to Israel. Yep, the Israel stand will include a Happy Hour every day of the fair where they will raffle off trips to Israel. That’s right; we plan to get these fair goers buzzed on beer in order to get them buzzed on Israel. There will of course be entertainment at the booth, including the Balbalu street theater company operating, “Israel-themed activities relating to, among others, the kibbutz, Eilat, Jerusalem and Tel Aviv.” I put that in direct quotes because I still don’t understand what the ministry means. Are the actors going to act out kibbutz life, living in Jerusalem, and clubbing in Tel Aviv?

The Ministry of Tourism has made sure to bring along an additional 50 commercial hotel chains, airline companies and tour operators to close the deal.

Now, I don’t claim to be a tourism expert, but I have a few suggestions of my own. I say instead of actors bring the real people, the real taste of Israel. So, if the Ministry of Tourism is reading this, please feel free to steal my ideas!

People to Bring:

• At least two loud shuk vendors with their fruits and vegetables sans half-dead fish (make sure to sample food)

• Israeli soldiers in uniform (everyone loves a man or woman in uniform. It’s hot. Minus the gun.)

• The Israeli Jewish mama that will sit you down and stuff you until your buttons pop (there’s more than just hummus)

• Tel Aviv clubbers that will help you dance off the calories or just make room for more (you’ll need a lot of energy for this)

Do you have an idea to add to this list? Share them and be heard or at least let the Ministry of Tourism know what else they should put on the plate besides hummus!

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Eating Apfelstrudel in the Old City

September 18, 2008 - 7:50 PM by · 2 Comments
Filed under: Food, Religion, Travel 

Apple Strudel (with whipped cream)I had a conference last night in the Old City and had a couple of hours to kill beforehand. I was hankering for some good hummus but alas, the two best hummus joints in the Old City – Abu Shukri and Lina – were long closed in the late afternoon. So I abandoned my quest for some chickpea action and decided for a completely experience. I headed to the Austrian Hospice. The hospice was originally established as a hotel for pilgrims from Austria, was later a Jordanian hospital and is now back to being a hostel for Christian pilgrims. The front doors, heavy and wooden, open to a two-floor ascent and a wide outdoor space completely removed from the cramped alleys of the Old City. High ceilings and expansive marble floors are standard. Generous cushioned seating areas a cafe are available for all, as well as a beautiful outdoor seating area. And the Apfelstrudel. Oh the Apfelstrudel how I love thee.
Old City Rooftops
There is only one thing better than the Apfelstrudel at the hospice and that is the rooftop view of the Old City. Whenever I have guests visiting from abroad (or from Tel Aviv) and I’m giving them the requisite Jerusalem tour this is always one of my destinations. I bring with me my copy of “The Innocents Abroad” and read Mark Twain’s take on the same view.

The appearance of the city is peculiar. It is as knobby with countless little domes as a prison door is with bolt-heads. Every house has from one to half a dozen of these white plastered domes of stone, broad and low, sitting in the centre of, or in a cluster upon, the flat roof. Wherefore, when one looks down from an eminence, upon the compact mass of houses (so closely crowded together, in fact, that there is no appearance of streets at all, and so the city looks solid,) he sees the knobbiest town in the world, except Constantinople. It looks as if it might be roofed, from centre to circumference, with inverted saucers. The monotony of the view is interrupted only by the great Mosque of Omar, the Tower of Hippicus, and one or two other buildings that rise into commanding prominence.

Hard to imagine we are looking at the same thing. Perhaps we would agree on the Apfelstrudel?

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