A letter to Joe the Plumber

January 11, 2009 - 10:19 AM by Harry · 3 Comments
Filed under: Politics, Pop Culture, War 

Ha'InstalatorDear Joe the Plumber Opportunist,

I’m a bit confused as to why Pajamas Media have chosen you of all people to cover the current conflict in southern Israel and Gaza. Maybe it’s just the circles in which I travel, but I have never heard your name uttered in any serious way whatsoever – just in jest. Being in the right place and at the right time propelled you into the bizarre world of pseudo-celebrity and somehow you’ve managed to turn your 15 minutes into a 20. I want to officially welcome you to Israel. I know you aren’t the most knowledgeable about the conflict. That was evident in your comment back in October where you agreed with a supporter of John McCain that a vote for Barack Obama “is a vote for the death of Israel.” Shepard Smith of FOX news even called your views “frightening.” I hope you read up a bit on our country on the flight over. At the very least you should watch the movie “Ha’Instalator.” Here’s the plot. Perhaps you can relate.

In this madcap Israeli satire, a clueless plumber somehow finds himself elevated to the position of Minister of Finance for the whole country. Because he is inexperienced in politics, he takes his brief seriously and fails to perpetuate the kinds of graft and greed that his predecessors were party to, puzzling everyone — most of all the poor plumber himself, who cannot comprehend the kinds of political depravity he is being invited to participate in.

He succeeds in his post and ends up providing, among other things, a solution to the electricity crisis generating electricity via flushing toilets. Perhaps this bodes well for you. Maybe through your over simplified views of foreign policy you’ll offer some fresh ideas that will solve the current crisis (or perhaps the entire Arab-Israeli conflict) that no Israeli leader, politician, intellectual or professor has thought of yet. Best of luck.

Cheers,
Harry

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Unclogging the drains

January 9, 2009 - 3:48 PM by David · 1 Comment
Filed under: A New Reality, General, Israeliness, Life, War 

aromaAlmost two weeks into Operation Cast Lead, and there’s a strange sense of normalcy that pervades the major parts of the country not in Hamas rocket range.

There are plenty of ways that the average person is getting involved though – like care packages being arranged for soldiers serving in Gaza, and there’s home hospitality that’s being offered for residents of the South at families in other parts of the country.

But with Friday morning being ‘erev Shabbat’, the Aroma at the local mall was packed this morning with coffee drinkers and diners, going about living their lives. They’re not being callous or uncaring, but just as the rest of the country carried on as usual during the Second Lebanon War, you wouldn’t know there was a conflict going on by walking around Jerusalem or Tel Aviv.

There’s still errands to do, and clogged drains to fix. And we’ve got plenty of both of them. Our friend, and local plumber, Haim Mayim (loosely translated as Haim the Water guy), spent a couple hours at our house trying figure out the source of our kitchen sink clog. Joe the Plumber’s got nothing on Haim, who can expound on Talmud and Springsteen with the same breadth and humor.

Simultaneously, my wife was trying to cook for Shabbat, and we were making sandwiches for the kids’ lunch. Not easy when you’re ankle deep in dirty, muddy water.

The police daughter was keeping the peace in Jerusalem’s Old City, where she was monitoring Friday Muslim prayers on the Temple Mount. With tensions taut due to what’s happening to their brethren in Gaza, there’s no guarantee that riots wouldn’t erupt at any moment. But a 2pm check found her enjoying a relatively boring shift. Thank God for boring.

And daughter number two was staying in Jerusalem after school so she could attend a birthday party Friday night. if you’re wondering what senior year parties are like in Israel, they’re probably just like senior year parties in other countries, with the potable accessories that come hand in hand with adolescence. But these are the ‘kids’ who may be on the frontlines a year from now, so if they want to indulge now, I’m not going to complain as long they don’t drive.

Before Shabbat dinner tonight, we’ll remember the soldiers who have fallen these last two weeks, and say a prayer for the safety of those defending our country, including many family friends. We’ll also remember the civilians in Gaza who have lost their lives, and express the hope that they’ll one day find leadership who will care about them enough to not put them in the middle of a war.

Then we’ll eat, drink, and enjoy each other’s company – and contemplate the totally illogical, impossible, yet intoxicating place in which we live.

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Talking heads

January 8, 2009 - 10:16 AM by David · 4 Comments
Filed under: A New Reality, General, Politics, Pop Culture, War, coexistence 

Roseanne Barr - knows a Nazi when she sees one

Roseanne Barr - knows a Nazi when she sees one

One offshoot of the war that’s endlessly fascinating is when celebrities chime in with opinions and appeals. Just because you’re funny or can sing doesn’t neccessarily mean you have any idea what’s going on.

Case one is comic Roseanne Barr, who on her personal blog, denounced Israel’s military campaign against Hamas in Gaza, labeling Israel a “Nazi state.”

Stating that “The Jewish Soul is being tortured in Israel,” Barr likened Hamas to “street gangs” in the Los Angeles neighborhood of Watts, saying that Israel’s military campaign is the “equivalent to Los Angeles attacking and launching war on the people of Watts to kill ‘the Bloods’ and ‘the Crips.’”

Annie Lennox - Some of my best friends and ex-husbands are Israeli.

Annie Lennox - Some of my best friends and ex-husbands are Israeli.

Case two is veteran pop singer and liberal activist Annie Lennox. After attending an anti-Gaza campaign rally last week along with Bianca Jagger, the ex-Eurythmics singer who used to be married to an Israeli wrote a post on her MySpace page on Tuesday in which she attempted to clarify her views which she was mistakenly construed as anti-Israel.

I have made my position very clear. I do not believe that there is a military solution to the situation in Gaza. I support peaceful conflict resolution, and dialogue, which HAS to take place inevitably in order to resolve the situation in any case. I do not believe that the deaths of hundreds of innocent civilians will solve anything. It will only make things worse for everyone, on BOTH sides. I am posting a video from the head of the UN Relief and Works Agency in Gaza, who is saying EXACTLY what I have said consistently.
There has to be an absolute cease fire as soon as possible. The reason why I spoke out when I did was because at that point in time there was a tiny window of opportunity to prevent a blood bath on both sides BEFORE the ground troops went in. I have NEVER condoned suicide bombings, or the firing of missiles into Israel. I repeat…The slaughter of innocent lives on BOTH sides is abhorrent.
I am not “anti Israeli”, nor have I EVER been, and for anyone to say that I am is profoundly offensive and completely wrong.

Noa's weapon - smother them with understanding

Noa's weapon - smother them with understanding

Case three is Israeli-based singer Noa (Ahinoam Nini) who wrote an open letter to Palestinians in Gaza that was published on published on the Israel-based iPeace website and reprinted on Ynet. She wrote that the common enemy of both the Israeli and Palestinian people was fanaticism.

Since that fateful day in 1994 when Rabin was murdered a few feet from me, since that awful moment, I have dedicated much of my public life to singing and speaking for peace.

I have seen the peace process rise and fall and rise like the breast of a woman breathing in the night. I have seen opportunities missed, so many missed, so many chances, so much ignorance and stubbornness and bullheadedness, so much beauty trampled under the heavy boot of pride…

And today, today I say this; we have one joint enemy, one awful joint enemy and we must all work together to eradicate it! That enemy is fanaticism my friends. That enemy is extremism in all its ugly reincarnations and manifestations.

That enemy is all men who put “god” above life, who claim “god” as their sword and shield, who claim “god” is on THEIR side. Jews, Muslims, Christians, all share this black streak. All have fallen to this destructive, horrible fanaticism at some point in their histories and the results have been devastating.

I know you are SICK of being held hostage by this demon, this ugly beast, not in Gaza, not in Iran or Iraq or Afghanistan, not anywhere!!! You are a people destined to flourish in peace! Your majestic history is overflowing with creativity, literature science and music, endless contributions to humanity, not crippling, torturing fanaticism, yelling Jihad and Shahid!

I see you sometimes, out in the streets, demonstrating with the monsters, yelling ‘death to the Jews, death to Israel!! But I don’t believe you! I know where your heart is! It is just where mine is, with my children, with the earth, with the heavens, with music, with HOPE!! You want nothing of this but you have no choice! I see through your veil of fear my brothers, through your burka! I embrace your hopes for they are mine!

And if we didn’t already have enough trouble on our hands, the Associated Press reported that 15-minute-of-famer Joe the Plumber is headed our way “to let average Joes tell their story’ about fight against Hamas.”

Joe the Plumber is taking on a new job. The Ohio man, who became famous during the US presidential campaign after asking Barack Obama about his tax plan, is heading to Israel as a war correspondent for a conservative Web site called pjtv.com.

Dubbed “Joe the Plumber” by McCain’s campaign, Samuel “Joe” Wurzelbacher was held up as an example of an American worker who would be hurt economically by Obama’s election.
Wurzelbacher says he’ll spend 10 days covering the fighting and explaining why Israeli forces are mounting attacks against Hamas.

He tells WNWO-TV in Toledo that he wants “go over there and let their ‘Average Joes’ share their story.”

Wurzelbacher later joined Republican John McCain on the campaign trail. At one stop, Wurzelbacher agreed with a McCain supporter who asked if he believed a vote for Obama was a vote for the death of Israel.

I won’t even get into the smarmy, infantile segment that Jon Stewart ran on the Daily Show about Israel, proving that you can be a satirical genius, but still be a complete idiot.

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