Renewal

December 12, 2008 - 2:09 PM by DavidS · 3 Comments
Filed under: A New Reality, History and Culture, Israeliness, Life, Profiles, War

It’s been said that everyone in Israel knows at least one family touched by terror, that is. The truth is, things are far better than they used to be on that front, certainly better than during they were six and seven years ago, when there seemed to be a bus bombing or shooting attack every week – and sometimes more often.

Terrorism aims to destroy lives – and often it does. But it’s not just lives: Families are never the same, even if the intended victim survives. Communities change, kids relate to their surroundings differently. We hear about the attacks, which make news for a few days, and move on; they often can’t. So when we see individuals and families who do manage to rebuild their lives, we can only stand back and gape in awe at their superhuman strength.

I had an “awesome” moment last night, when the son of a friend of mine got married. I won’t reveal their names, but I can tell you the story: While driving home from buying school supplies for the upcoming term, Jacob and Rachel (not their real names) were shot at by Arab terrorists. With them in the car were three of their five children. The shooter got their car point blank – killing Rachel, and leaving Jacob and their oldest daughter, Dina, in a wheelchair. Rachel was several months pregnant at the time. Also in the car were two boys – Shimon, 8, and Levi, 3. Not in the van were their oldest son Reuven, 13 (he had just had his bar-mitzvah two months earlier), and Sarah, 10.

Suffice to say that the family was shattered; the oldest boy became rebellious, the second son took after him, and the youngest boy, in the car when it happened, was basically shellshocked. Jacob tried as well as he could, but it was difficult juggling his family and work obligations. The community helped – a lot – but it just wasn’t the same. Rachel was one of those “super-moms” – always there for the kids, working to help others (she was a nurse), with a golden personality, always smiling. This was a family that had lost so much – and things looked bleak.

But the family experienced a rebirth – in large part thanks to Leah, whom Jacob married three years after losing Rachel. The kids were wary at first – she was a widow herself, and had three older kids of her own – and things were rocky at first. But with love and patience, things worked themselves out. The community helped a lot, too. Plus, the determination of Jacob – and the kids – not to give the terrorists the victory they so sorely sought.

And now see Reuven at his wedding! He grew up to be a fine, sensitive, scholarly young man, a veteran of the elite Duvdevan unit. The joy on his face, and on the faces of family and friends, was unique. This wasn’t just a wedding; it was a vindication, a confirmation of life, a message to the forces of darkness – Israel, and Israelis, are here to stay.

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Tags: Arab, children, determination, driving, family, golden personality, Israel, Israelis, kids, love, shooter, superhuman strength, terror, terrorism, terrorist, War, wedding, wheelchair

Wedding Survival Tips

November 21, 2008 - 11:13 AM by DavidS · 1 Comment
Filed under: General

Matching yarmulkes and matchbooks, engraved invitations, tuxedoes and matching bride/bridesmaids outfits, and lots and lots of flowers. Sounds like a wedding. But not an Israeli one! Like most other things in Israel, weddings are like you remember them from “back there” – but different, in a number of ways.

1. Dress – What marks Israeli weddings more than any other featuring is a lack of formality. Having been to weddings where the couples were from all sorts of different backgrounds – secular, modern/ultra-orthodox, very wealthy or otherwise – I’ve come across exactly one tuxedo, and a few suits (usually on the grooms). The most formal any guest is willing to go is usually a sports jacket (not necessarily matching the slacks, either), but the vast majority wear Dockers-style pants and a shirt – white at religious weddings, or a variety of colors where the guests are of a more secular orientation.

2. Venue – In Israel, you’ve got two choices for a venue: In town, at a catering hall (usually in an industrial zone), or, an increasingly popular choice, at an outdoor country location, usually in a kibbutz or moshav. All venues, though, sport the “open chuppah” – with the actual ceremony held under the stars, regardless of the weather (I was at one where it snowed!). In urban halls, this usually entails going up to the building’s roof, which is gussied up for the occasion, while at a country location, the ceremony is held at the most picturesque spot on the property. The venue will also sport just a few dozen chairs, with most people standing – and unless you are at a very ultra-orthodox wedding, you’ll find that, even if there is nominal separation (like standing on different sides of the aisle the wedding party marches down), lots of couples end up standing or sitting together. Because there’s no American-style Sunday in Israel, a Saturday night event is unheard of, and Sunday ceremonies are rare – the preferred evenings being Monday or Thursday.

3. Food – Of course, we go to weddings to help our friends celebrate, and not for the food (yeah, right). But if you’re expected to give a couple hundred shekels as a gift for the new couple, you might as well make a night out of it. The one universal rule for Israeli weddings is – come early, because that’s often when they put out the best food. Pre-ceremony hors d’ouvres and smorgasbords, served while family and friends gather, nowadays often feature treats like sushi, Mexican tortillas and wraps, stir fry, etc., and that goes for catering halls geared to nearly all crowds. It’s at dinner that the differences show themselves; at religious weddings, you often have to wait awhile for dinner to be served, because the major celebratory dancing of the evening takes place first – and the food itself isn’t always, let’s say, gourmet level. Buffets are always better than sit-downs – and generally, from my observation, the more secular the couple and the families, the better the food (it’s all kosher, of course – otherwise no rabbi would conduct the ceremony). In either case, don’t feel like you’re missing something if you leave before dessert.

4. Entertainment – If the food is better at “less religious” weddings, the entertainment and fun is much better where the young couple come from a religious background. The bride and groom invite all their yeshivah or seminary friends, and there is wild and spirited dancing (separate, of course), with friends honoring the happy couple. Depending on how talented the couple’s friends are, you could also get a great “floor show” – with kids performing magic tricks, swallowing fire, juggling, breakdancing, or doing other “shtick” in honor of the newlyweds. At weddings with a more secular tone, they start off with Jewish-style dancing, too (with men and women usually forming separate circles, as well), which will drift into mixed horas or disco-style dancing after awhile. Regardless, after a couple of vigorous rounds of “simcha” dancing on a warm night, anyone who was wearing a jacket has stowed it on the back of their chair – and you realize why no one is wearing a tuxedo!

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